MY DEAREST FRIEND LAVENDER
Somewhere between the night sky and the rise of the morning sun, I sit at the river of Nyhaven. The part of Copenhagen that everyone loves. Filled with colours of houses that tell stories since decades. But lucky me, I am not alone. My friend Lavender is with me. She is calm, like the sea after a storm. Just decent and mild. Free of worries and sorrow. Lavender knows her balance.
I don't. I just broke up with my boyfriend and like the history of wrong guys I left behind, it was a perfect beginning with a high downfall -- Speaking the truth: I am still collecting the pieces. Fragments, left with questions but no answers. I might never get them. Living with the unknown. And what more destroys the human body other than cancer?
“It's going to be okay. You will be fine. If not hear and now, eventually somewhen”, Lavender whispers to me and for a second it feels like the sea is speaking to me.
It is just a holiday trip I am making with my dad. I love him. Constantly moaning over the expensive prices in Denmark. Maybe that is why I am here. Exhausted from my own life between complaining and blaming. That's what he did. My ex. Blaming me.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. But Lavender is there and I can feel her hand on mine. Stroking it like the gentle breeze of the wind.
I will be fine, I know it. I have always found my way back. Stumbling through life until my feet know how to keep going again.
“We should go back. Night walks yes-”
“But never staying out too long for us to get lost, yes Lavender. I know”, I say to her and get back up on my feet.
Copenhagen is beautiful at night. A quietness that fills my heart with joy and yet between the main streets the city tells you stories you don't want to miss out. Whether it is the waffle dipped in salted caramel, or the soft silk of designer clothes. The atmosphere is beautiful no matter if day or night.
I make my way back to the hotel, where my dad has fallen asleep in the second single bed next to mine. When I grab the blanket to put it over him, he opens his eyes.
“Oh! You are back”, he says and tries to figure out what time or century it is.
“It's okay. Just went for a night walk. My medicine takes a bit until it helps. Remember?”
“Oh. Yeah. The ones with the Lavender?”
“Yeah. Against my anxiety.”
Dad closes his eyes again and shortly after he falls asleep. Once the TV is off, and I am in my pyjamas I lay down on my bed. My eyes look over to the little package on my night desk next to my bed. There they are: The little pills that keep me going. A herbal mix mainly based on lavender and strong enough for everyone who has to deal with anxiety in all kind of forms.
Finally, I close my eyes, feeling the adventures of the day sinking into my body. But not like the storm. The storm has gone. Instead, it feels like a calm wave reaching the bay of silence. And so do my thoughts. I am drifting away, into the ocean of colours and sky of unknown universes. The storm will come back by the glow of the horizon. But for now there is peace and quiet. Only me and Lavender.
At least for this night.
02.01.2020 - LC HAMILTON
