25, PISCES AWAKENING

Note; I wrote this as Pisces reflection in 2021 ♥ TW mentions of Dark Themes

Let's get real shall we? It's international women's day and even though I'm a genderflipping jester, I do love the fact that I was born into this body as I am. And if not now – then when are we going to talk about vulnerability. Trigger warning to everyone who is too sensitive or scared to continue reading cause you might not expect to read about the person you have met so far.

It's been 25 years of madness in this body. 25 years of madness between two attempted suicides, sexual harassment, bullying, mental manipulation and abuse, false friends, heartbreaks and the loss of people in various forms. And yet I am here. And after shaking hands with death twice. Thank gods I am alive.

No I don't want your I am so sorry you had to go through this. These chapters are closed. Some longer than others. This is about the fact that we need to wake up and start caring. This is about the women next door that gets beaten up by her husband. This is about the kid that never speaks up and is secretly bullied. This is about the people that you consider weak because they start crying while you are unable to show any kind of emotion and think it's cool to do so. This is about the guy that has to pretend he is the tough kid, when all he wants to do is dance. This is about the girl that has to hide her sexuality because she is raised in a high religious family. This is about the young women that is forced to a marriage that she never wanted to have in the first place. All of them are just examples of the bigger picture.

We need to wake up and do something about it. I don't care if you want to advocate for climate change, woman rights, gun restriction laws, human rights or whatever it is as long as you start to realise that this matters. It's this earth, the root, the one big blue planet that won't be here anymore if we keep ignoring each other, if we keep being blind to each others emotions, if we tangle in old habits and biases neither of us are gonna make it.

I am so tired of people that feed of gossip, rumours and competition. I am tired of people cancelling each other and acting like humans are meant to be perfect, when in fact we make mistakes. I am tired of the people that expect to be educated when all they do is sit in their comfortable sofas and won't even make it out of their own village, because they are afraid of whatever is beyond their small minded comfortable living. I am tired of people that are afraid to live their life because others might think different of them by doing so. I am tired of people looking away and acting like it doesn't matter because it's on the other side of the ocean, when in fact this whole earth is connected as one.

I am tired of pretending that this doesn't bother me, because I am an Empath. And to all the people who told me before that I don't have empathy. Screw you. You didn't know shit about me, because you were too shallow to see the bigger picture, but rather rolled yourself in your own self-pity of misery and plaid victim instead of having a conversation.

People ask me how I am the way I am. I don't think I will ever have an answer to any of that other than that: All I do is live and feel. And sometimes I feel so much that it's tearing me apart and I wish I could stop but I can't. And deep inside I know why: Because if I wouldn't, I wouldn't be here to help people. I wouldn't be able to make a change wherever I go. I need to be like this, because wherever I go I see so many faces, so much potential, so much more than they can see what I see. And if anything, if only one person by the end of the day turns to me and says to me: What you did today, really helped me, then by the end of the day, I have done everything I needed to do. Help and Inspire.

It's been 25 years of madness and I have only woken up last year on the beginning of April, when I faced my fear of death. Death is now an old friend, a follower and shadow by my side. But I am confident to say that there are many more years to come before I will leave my body and go to Valhalla.

Whoever has read this far and especially to every single female being out there: Don't give up. You've got magic inside you. It's there. And you are meant for so much more than you might be able to see right now.

Before I came to London people told me many things. You won't be able to afford it. You won't make it. You will never publish your book. No one wants to read your stuff. You will never be able to live as an author. You are just running away from your problems. People will also be as miserable as they are here. You won't be happy. You are just lost.

I am now an author, artist, creative team leader, spiritual and creative mentor and podcast host. And if you think it stops there: No. Because if you think you can put me in a box and have your happy simple definition, you are wrong. I am so much more than you are capable of seeing right now. Today I might be all of the things above. Tomorrow the list might get longer. The day after tomorrow I might be out of town already. And so on.

Wherever I'll go I will make a change. This is who I am. This is who I always were meant to be. And you can either sail with me, or you won't. The port call is up to you.

I am not asking you to step out of the shadows, if you won't – then don't. Let your fear eat you. Be comfortable then. Have a sit and enjoy the simple things in life.

As for myself I would always chose being uncomfortable over bowing under something that I am not. And I am beyond ready to show you what this exactly means. Soon.

As My Chemical Romance once said: Everybody wants to change the world, but no one wants to die. What do you want?

That's my wrap on Pisces season. I will see you – with new beginnings, in a new cycle of the zodiac.

Love, Hope, Revolt

Ps. Everything I have said was out of the moment and out of my head. When I look back tomorrow, I won't be the same person anymore, but I know that the words I have left at least moved something or someone and this is what I do – move.