UN-CON-DITIONAL
LOVE
This Blog Post is inspired by this Podcast Episode Spiritual Queendom by Esther Porbombka and Sina Glueck in this episode both of them discuss the topic around Unconditional Love and with my recent thoughts and emotions around Love, I had to dig deeper and go beyond Instagram to answer this question myself.
To begin with my perspective: Yes, Unconditional Love exists. And I truly believe it is the medicine that we need to spread like a virus, to cure, heal and help the world.
But cheese aside, let’s dive into this topic and go deeper into the topic that is a question for all of us, yes even for the most sceptical most pragmatic person. (Yes I mean all the whiny-anti-love-campaigners, that simply refuse to heal their traumas instead of giving their life a chance. Oops, did I say that out loud?)
THE DEFINITION
According to Oxford Dictionary, this is LOVE.
a very strong feeling of liking and caring for somebody/something, especially a member of your family or a friend
She has earned the love and respect of many people.
love for somebody/something a mother’s unconditional love for her children
love of somebody/something love of your country
So my first question is: What is Love to you?
I could fill at least ten pages of the true meaning of Love, but I have chosen to come close to a definition that could also be in the framwork of Death, Life, Joy, Sadness and other emotions us human are capable to feel.
It is everything and nothing, a teacher that lectures us what is most important to us in life.
So how can we believe in love when most of us don’t even truly know what it means, despite filling, books, TV Shows, songs and more with the topic in and around love? We each can describe Love in metaphors, but when we feel it, it happens in waves. It comes in high dopamin filled moments or it comes in subtle waves of rememberance, when kindness is expressed through small gestures.
So what happens when the worst of the worst happens and let’s say your child does a crime so unbareable that it shocks every fracture of your cell? Does love end here?
I don’t think it does, despite not being a mother, as an author I regular dug into the wildest of human psyche and inhale myself with dosis of serial killer podcasts, books and documentaries that bring true horror to life. I do not ever wish anything on anyone to ever experience this and there is yet so much more to learn about human kind, our psyche and so called ‘self’ when it comes to understanding as to why certain people to certain things. It is too complex of a topic - broken down it is an influence of privilege, culture and circumstance that all have impact and effect on humanity.
But this is not my child anymore, this is a murderer.
To an extend this can be the case in cruelty, when the mind is so fractured, that one becomes many personalities or disorders. But on a spiritual level, it goes deeper and therefore simpler in my eyes.
A mother’s love knows no borders. I don’t have to be one, to see this myself, witnessed it myself in cases where mothers have done the metaphorical claw fights no matter if their child was wrong or right and believe in it too. I mean for those of us who believe in a deity above and such, ya get what I mean ey?
So what part changes when the worst of the worst happens? Is it simply tolerance and the boundaries we set with it?
Nope.
THE LOVE MAP
What changes is what we call our current ‘self’ (as much as I use the words Ego vs Self, thanks to OG Dad Jung, I do not believe in such a black and white concept of the psyche, despite the concept working for the non-neuro-divergent spectrum) - despite the self not existing within us as a stagnat foundation, it is part of our core identity and what our psyche elaborates on as save haven. When we are rattled by extreme cases, trauma, more and such it can manifest into shadows of our own existence. (I hate the words shadow too, because its so old black and white boring white men nonsense BS, but let’s roll with it for the sake of understanding)
And by that we become cruel. We question. We struggle. Most certainly we are haunted by guilt. It changes our perception of the world.
“HAH LOLA! That means love has borders RIGHT?”
Not really, it means that we think that love has borders, based on our self-identity but love simply is.
For the nerds of you let me do the maths thing, despite me absolutely having no relationship with maths.
Values x Identiy (Self) = Expression (Emotion of Love) = Love Language
This is my simple equation to a giant topic but I’ll give you another impulse and video by Helen Fisher, she is a Bioloigcal Anthropoligst that answers questions about love and by means gives the explanation I have just given you the name Love Map.
I don’t agree with all of her answered questions but nevertheless she gives great insight on how or brain works when it comes to the means of love and how we live in love by our natural system.
After all there is no right or wrong on this question, so I am keen to hear your insights guys.
THE MATTER IN THE ROOM
On the musings of Esther and Sina a couple of more questions in the room came along.
Can we love other people despite being in a monogamous relationship?
I bloody hope so and that you’re not in a situation where your partner is demanding that your love is only his/hers/theirs.
So that means you’re clearly poly right?
From a very heteronormative perspective I guess some people need to use labels to understand the ideas of love and concepts, which I personally often enough smile about.
I have never been asked so much about my relationship or private life compared to any other question, which is not only a cultural ingrained audacity because I was born into a female presenting body as well as the fact that people think they have any right to know what’s going on in my life. Yes, I have a very strong lead on this one, that I think it’s bullshit, that society has it ingrained to think that we have a right to know what’s going on in someone elses private life.
As someone who is friends with ‘celebrities’ or have worked with such in various occasions I can only shake my head, when these questions come to dare.
Please tell me what is going to change in your life, when you know whose in my bed or pants?
Exactly.
But back to the matter and fact whether I chose to stay monogamous, in an open relationship, poly or single and openly dating does not change the matter of how i love.
I am in love with people. With humanity. (And often enough the species human is the reason why I do role my eyes out loud) but the means why I became a mentor in the first place. I am in love with life. Because to love means to be in love with life itself.
And no relationship is ever going to frame my capacity of love. It is society that tells us we have to love different people (family, friends, co workers, lovers and others) different, but to me all is love and who am I to question and dare that I have to frame my love?
I don’t need labels to understand my kind of love. (I merely use them for others to understand, when they aren’t as educated on LGBTQ+ terms as I am to broaden their heternormative perspective)
And I certainly don’t need someone to tell me what my love looks like or is in someone elses eyes.
Love knows no borders. Love knows no Gender. Love is.
On that note, I hope you dare to love.
